even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
