You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
