Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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