she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
