He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
