I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
