dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
