my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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