Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
