Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
