How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
