rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
