my mouth tastes like poor choices
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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