Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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