i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just pee around me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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