people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
