My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
