Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
