i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
