saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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