Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
