all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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