He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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