Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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