Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
