I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
