New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
