girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
