She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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