Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
