flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
