I seem to have left my pride at pride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My balls are so social today.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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