He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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