Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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