I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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