Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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