I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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