Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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