he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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