end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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