I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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