i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize