Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
