I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
