NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
