she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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