Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Welp...herpes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
