In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
