Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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