We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
