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i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
