Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize