It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
