the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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