Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize