She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
