how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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