i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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