If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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