We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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