I looked at my own cervix.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
