i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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