OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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