why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize