I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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